Drinking in the Luxuries

Drinking in the Luxuries

I speak in silence
You can hear me how?
Plug headphones into my heart
Can you hear me now?
I scream, I weep,
I scream in my sleep
As I snore, in my dreams
Tucked away in my mind
To the point where
The only ears that can hear
Are the ears that are mine

I wait, I pace,
Go back, to and fro
Cause this trodden path
Is the only one I know
Whether I go forward in one moment
I am back within the next
There is no bettering myself
There is no progress

So why bother with noise
If those who can't hear
Only bother to listen
If it benefits their ears
You can whine
You can wallow
But only drink what you can swallow
And if my words prove to big

Better not take another swig.

Walking.

walking.

The street signs blur in front of me
I could walk these roads all night
No many how many turns I take
I still can't make it right
I wish I had directions
I doubt that they could help
How can I find where I am going
If I've even lost myself
I thought that you would follow me
Help me find my way
Tell me all the shortcuts
Which turns to take
But damn you never did
So now I walk alone
Praying that these streetlights
Show me the way home
I want my warm bed with blankets
The pillow that smells like you
The darkness and the quiet
Cause these streets just won't do
They bring back so much
The smiles and the laughs
Shoving in my face
What I no longer have
I could wake in the morning
Pretend you were never there
Sleep all day if I had to
Even dream a little if I dare
Cause in my dreams I'd see you
The man I tried to love
Gave it all then took it back
And left me to walk all alone
I can only hope I don't wake up
My dreams would be so sweet
Cause I wouldn't be without you
And I wouldn't be alone, walking these streets.

Who are you?

You know things are bad
When I put my fingers to the keys
I write for hours on end
The words flow with such ease
Every emotion from my day
Channeled onto the page
All the blues and contentedness
The sadness and the rage
So here I am writing again
Not as happy as can be
But at least I've got my writing
It feels like home to me

I am not a pillar of strength
I am no warrior of pride
I am not a role model of any sort
I simply look in from the outside
I am not a tiny waist-ed girl
Full figured, with a voice to match
I am aged, but not matured
Just a chick, waiting to hatch
I am somewhat generous
I try to help where I can
I learn things as I go along
And I know who I am.

Do you?

I am not God
Judging you is not my place
But you seem to be confused
With all that you throw in my face
One minute you're a listener
There for me at every bend
The next minute your words are thrown around
When you're supposedly my friend
Apparently, you're honest
Lying just isn't your style
But lies are all I get from you
I think you're in denial
Supposedly, you're real
You'd never cross a friend
Though every time I turn around
You've lost someone again
So tell me, who are you now?
Cause all that I'm seeing
Is someone who talks too much
And not enough time just "being"
Your words don't match your actions
And that's whats funny about this
You say you can back up your shit talk
But I don't think you know what that is.

You aren't who I thought you were.
And I guess that's why this is so hard
Especially to have discovered it
After we have come so far
I can walk away from you,
Head high, hands clean
Hide away the memories
Of everywhere we've been
So here's to Mr. Personality
Good for nothing, and one true blue
I seem to think I know who you are
The question is, do you?

Forever Meaningless

Here we are again.
With aggravations and arguments.
Here I stand again.
Gaining enemies, losing friends
Do I have to pretend to hate this?
This love that's grown for years
Forsake it all
And face my fears?
Uncover all the lies
That I've been denying
Wipe off the smile to admit,
That slowly I am dying
To look at all of this
And how much it means to me
Pretending that it's worthless
So it's easier to watch you leave
No. That forever,
Meaningless, this will never be.

 My strength has left me weak
My love has left me dry
 But still here I'll stay
Waiting, wondering why
How many times
Must you drop me before I break?
 How many more nightmares will I endure
Before finally, I awake?
To truly hurt, first you must love
And love I truly have
I gave this love my everything
Until I had nothing left
Praying for the day
That you could finally see
When all else had left you
Still, there was me
And even for forever,
Meaningless this will never be.

 My words are not worth speaking
For your ears will never hear
And I hope sometime you realize
This is all that you had feared
For soon I will gain strength again
Soon I will stand on my two feet
Without a need for approval from you
At your game you have been beat.

I'm over your civil silence
And your passive aggressiveness
I don't need to look far
To know I deserve better than this
So know that there I stood
But here I walk away
In the hopes that soon
You'll wake up someday
And now I can sleep
Finally I can rest
With no weight on my shoulders
No world sitting on my chest

 Safely within reason,
That this was meaningless.